Falling off the Wagon

I am going to let you in on a little secret. This post took me forever to write. 

That’s not because it’s particularly long or anything. Instead, I simply set a new schedule for myself and had a very hard time sticking with it today. I somehow managed to stop multiple times throughout the day to string words along to lengthen it. Each time I did that I felt differently about the direction I wanted to go… So I ended up cutting quite a bit of it.

This is a hard subject for me. I don’t want to give half-assed advice, especially when so many people struggle with this. There’s a reason I chose this particular subject for today. I’m in it. I’m in the mindset to write about it because it’s affecting me hardcore today.
Due to personal issues, I totally messed my calendar up in all sorts of ways today. I didn’t do the laundry like I was supposed to, I didn’t work on my book, I didn’t go on a walk, etc. My day was turned upside down. 

My initial reaction was to get upset with myself and shut down. Instead of catching up, I wanted to just go to sleep and forget about my schedule. Fighting that urge was difficult but I managed to do it. Instead of falling asleep, I meditated to switch gears. Then I continued with my schedule. At that point, I had missed out on the morning routine but I carried on. 
Then, I went to work and was super unmotivated the entire day. I watched the kids and the hours ticked by. When it was finally time to leave, I had the biggest lapse in my diet yet. I went to Cook Out and ordered an original style chargrilled chicken breast sandwich tray with a side of onion rings and hush puppies, a huge sweet tea, and a cheerwine float. 

I took the food to the apartment and ate it while watching The Vampire Diaries, which I then continued for three hours, ignoring everything on my schedule. 

I did manage to get quite a bit of productive packing done after that, as tomorrow is going to entail moving the majority of my stuff out of the apartment and helping my roommate as well. Still, the dishes remain in the sink to be taken care of tomorrow. Everything important I have left to do has been pushed to tomorrow. But actions have consequences. C’est la vie.

On the bright side (because there’s always a bright side, else I like to think so), I remembered something important earlier that made me feel better about today. It’s kind of funny how as life passes you by, there are these core memories that stick with you throughout your life. You can receive advice that shapes your life as you grow and learn. One of these particular moments happened when I was playing music on my mallets. 

One time at band camp, Mr. Ambrose, my band director, piped in with words meant for the whole band. They resonated with me. “If you mess up, pick back up on another note but whatever you do, don’t stop playing.” They aren’t much but they mean a lot to me and they can apply to more than just music.

Messing up can mean a lot of things. For me, today, it was ignoring my responsibilities…Napping (or watching Netflix or playing games or any other mundane distraction) to forget what you’re supposed to do may make you feel better for a moment but you will feel so much worse if you don’t get the important things taken care of.

Don’t get me wrong, though. While oversleeping isn’t a viable solution, sometimes you just gotta take a “me” day. Or even just an afternoon. Just don’t repeat this daily because that turns into never getting anything done. 

I guess I count today as one of those days, since I didn’t get much done. I inched closer to the infamous bombing of Season 8 of my show (please no spoilers!). While I pretty much see today as I huge failure, I still feel like I’ve learned from it. That’s the whole point, isn’t it?

Sometimes you mess up. You have unproductive days. You miss out on opportunities because you were late. You miss deadlines. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s going to be okay. 

Accepting that you are human and you are allowed to make mistakes is a good step towards avoiding the shame spiral. Tomorrow I will wake up and I will try again, starting fresh on a new day. I will pick back up on the another note and I encourage you to do the same.

What about you? Do you have a hard time staying on track? Do you have any tips relating to this article? I’d love to hear from you in the comments. 

If you need any clarification on this article (it’s been a weird day ^-^’), feel free to post your questions in the comments and I’ll be happy to answer them.

Before I say goodbye, I just have a few words for you. 

Don’t give up, no matter what. You can do this. I believe in you.

xoxo Kris


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